Clingy Boyfriend Warning: 6 Signs Your Guy Is a Little too Extra

Relationships and romantic feelings often bring out some pretty intense behaviors.

Off the top of your head, you might already be associating budding romances with wanting to text your boyfriend as soon as you wake up, thinking about him all the time at work or at school, and jumping at every opportunity to hang out with him.

And if you heard that your boyfriend does the same things, you would not really be surprised – or even against it. After all, some passion is good to help your relationship grow.

But there might also be times where things seem a bit strange, a bit off-balance.

Like when you like a guy, but he seems way over the top, much too attached, or even a little controlling. In those instances, you are just not sure if this is a normal – albeit passionate – part of dating or if it could be a bit of a red flag. Dating someone clingy tends to end badly for everyone.

Sure, you are getting a bit uncomfortable with some situations, but you also don’t want to overreact. You certainly do not wish to jeopardize what could be a perfectly good relationship down the road.

To help you get a clearer picture, this article highlights the 6 biggest signs your boyfriend is clingy.

What is a clingy boyfriend, and how do you know when you have one?

The biggest hurdle when it comes to identifying clingy behavior in your boyfriend is that the line can sometimes feel blurred between showing passion and acting inappropriately.

Depending on your personal preferences and your own views of what a “healthy” relationship should be, some behaviors will seem fine and others will seem to cross the line. But that reasoning might feel a little too subjective to you. You might start to wonder: “What if I think something is over the top, but everybody else, including TV shows and movies, is telling me this is totally fine and normal?” Or “What if I like it when he’s all over me, and that leads me to ignoring some problematic behaviors?”

So, before we start listing signs of clinginess, we have to get one thing perfectly clear: your point of view, your feelings, are valid.

No matter how subjective you think this is, what really matters is how comfortable you are with the behaviors and how fast your relationship is moving. What matters is whether your boundaries – the boundaries that you set up in your relationship – are respected or not.

Feel free to disagree with the signs listed here, or to put the threshold for clingy behavior higher/lower.

But now that this is out of the way, let’s get into the meat of the article.

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Sign #1 – Constant contact

Technology has given us so many ways to keep in touch with our significant others. Whether it’s texting, messaging, emailing, facetiming, WhatsApping, Snapchatting, or even calling, there is always a way to reach you.

And it’s exciting!

If you are like most people, you probably love it when your boyfriend shows you that he is thinking about you.

What’s not so exciting, however, is when the texting and messaging gets too much:

• Your boyfriend calls you at work or during class,
• When you do not have time to reply, you receive successive messages or a ton of missed calls even if you would have eventually seen the first one,
• You can never really relax and do your own thing because you feel that your boyfriend keeps interrupting your private time.

Of course, this could be simply due to a misunderstanding or an overly eager boyfriend. But if you have clearly stated that you would like to receive fewer messages, and this keeps going, this could be a sign you have a clingy boyfriend, unfortunately.

By the way, did you know that over-the-top messaging can also be a sign of catfishing in online dating?

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Sign #2 – A clingy boyfriend expects you to respond immediately when he calls or texts

It is already one thing if your boyfriend sends you twenty texts in a row or left you ten voicemails per day.

At least, you could simply ignore him when you are busy and respond when you have a bit of downtime or when you feel like it.

But with a clingy boyfriend, you rarely have the opportunity to do that. If you do not reply immediately, things go from weird to bad. Here is what to watch for:

• He asks you what you are doing, who you are with, where you are, and why you are not answering your phone,
• If you ignore him for too long, he gets upset, overly worried, or angry,
• Your boyfriend tries to guilt-trip you into being at his beck and call and does not seem to respect your personal schedule.

Once again, it is up to you to state your boundaries and tell him that you are not comfortable with texting all the time. Most of the time, this is enough to see some improvement.

But if this behavior worsens over time, you will need to revaluate some things.

Sign #3 – He “stalks” you online

Okay, it might look a little strange to use the term “stalking” in this context. After all, he is your boyfriend, not some stranger who is obsessed with you.

Well… he might not be a stranger, but he certainly seems to have a bit of an obsession for anything you do.

Here is how you can tell if your boyfriend is stalking you online:

• Whenever you post something to your social media, he is always the first to like or comment on it,
• He mentions friends or stories that you have never shared with him directly and that he could only know if he looked at your profiles,
• There have been times when he got jealous of your guy friends – whom he has never even met,
• Your boyfriend seems aware of pictures, posts and anecdotes that would require quite a bit of digging into your online history and past publications.

Sign #4 – He drops all his friends and hobbies to hang out with you

Having personal interests and friends of your own is good for a guy. It helps make him a more rounded – and often happier – man.

But a clingy boyfriend might not see things this way.

For him, friends and passions are just a distraction that could prevent him from spending every possible minute with you.

And we are not talking about cases where he cancels plans to see his friends because you had a bad day and he wants to be here for you. No. When your boyfriend is too clingy, just the simple possibility that he might be able to see you is enough for him to lose his friends and abandon his hobbies.

This is not good.

Not only does that put a lot of pressure on your shoulders, it also means you might feel too guilty to do your own thing and see your friends.

Sign #5 – Your boyfriend follows you everywhere

It is one thing to enjoy doing things together as a couple.

But it is another thing to try and do e-ve-ry-thing with you. No matter what you do, where you go, or who you hang out with. Your boyfriend will ask to come along even if it is the most boring or unenjoyable activity for him.

But clingy boyfriends don’t stop there. When you try to go out without your bae, you get one of these reactions:

• He gets mad and tries to argue with you,
• You get guilt-tripped into letting him come along,
• He tries to get you to change your plans and do something with him instead,
• You receive threatening messages, like: “Okay, if you feel this way I guess our relationship is over,” or similar blackmail-ish conversations,
• Your boyfriend shows up in the places you usually hang out anyways.

If your instinct is telling you that this is a bit overkill, you might be right.

Your boyfriend should be happy when you go out and enjoy your life, not stress you out instead.

Sign #6 – He gets antagonistic with your friends and acquaintances

Other people in your life take up some of your time and attention away from your boyfriend.

As long as you are not actively neglecting your relationship, that should cause zero issues.

But with a clingy guy, things are different.

Instead of befriending your loved ones and letting you enjoy their company – or even trying to have a good time with everyone together – your boyfriend views them as enemies. It’s him vs. anybody else, and in his mind, if they get any of your attention, he loses.

Usually, he will only show a lack of enthusiasm when you mention them, or simply get passive-aggressive towards your friends. Not ideal, but still manageable for you.

But if none of your friends like your boyfriend, or if you feel he is actively trying to ruin your friendships and other relationships, you should be cautious.

Trying to isolate you from your friends is never a good sign. Your boyfriend could be clingy to the point of being controlling, and it could lead to an abusive relationship.

You might want to evaluate whether this guy is really worth losing everyone else in your life.

Why is my boyfriend so clingy? Is it my fault?

If your boyfriend’s behavior is not improving, you might start to wonder if you are doing enough. If maybe you did not show enough love or reassurance and that’s why he is acting this way.

But usually with a very clingy boyfriend, how much attention you give does not really matter.

Yes, you have some influence on the situation. But the extend of your responsibilities is limited to just two things:

1. Whether you set clear boundaries and told him about your needs,
2. If you enforce those boundaries.

That is it.

The true reason why your boyfriend is so clingy has to do with his mindset and personal experiences. And at the root of it, you will almost certainly find some psychological factor:

• A fear of abandonment,
• Past trauma,
• Codependency issues,
• A lack of confidence,
• Self-doubt and insecurities…

Of course, you can point out these concerns so that your boyfriend is aware of them. You could also offer some support and show some patience until things improve.

But actually knowing what causes your boyfriend to be clingy and resolving this issue is out of your hands.

Your boyfriend is really the best person to do it, and in truth, it is up to him.

What to do if your boyfriend is clingy

If you notice some clingy behaviors and attitudes in your boyfriend and it starts to bother you, you might want to act quickly to avoid future problems and fights.

Here are all the options you have at your disposal:

• Tell him what is bothering you and why. Assert some clear boundaries if necessary, saying something like: “I really feel stressed out when you do X or Y. I would like you to watch out for this kind of thing in the future.”
• Ask him if he knows why he is so clingy. His answers might surprise you.
• Show some patience and understanding. He might not even realize that his behavior is causing issues for you.

That being said, while it is nice to care about your boyfriend, your well-being is your priority.

If things do not seem to improve and you start to feel too uneasy, there is nothing wrong with moving on with your life.

Maybe this is the catalyst your boyfriend needs to change.

Of course, this is a difficult decision to make, and you should not take it lightly. If you are still committed to the relationship, you can stay. But if your quality of life is affected, just know that there is nothing shameful in prioritizing yourself either.