Back

Back

Online Dating and the Paradox of Choice – Why Less Can Be More

Online Dating and the Paradox of Choice – Why Less Can Be More

We’ve come a long way since the first personal ad appeared in a British newspaper. A thirty-year-old gentleman with a very good estate was willing to “match himself to some good young gentlewoman”. The publisher recognized this as a novel idea with a great commercial potential, and the rest is, well, history. This was back in 1685. A lot has changed since then, but people’s desire to connect has remained strong. Dating moved from paper to video, and in the 90s, online dating sites were already on the rise. As our technology grew, so did our appetite for the opportunities it offered.


Statistics vary, but estimates indicate 20 to 36 percent of North Americans are active on dating websites or apps. And this number is likely much higher for young adults. Whatever age category you look at though, the use of dating sites is increasing across the board. This means that when you sign up for a dating site, you are joining millions of others just like you. That’s a lot of people. With so many beautiful souls looking to couple up, you’d be right in thinking you are spoiled for choice. It’s because you are. Statistically, you are indeed more likely to find someone who shares the same hobbies, has the same favorite drink, or the same idea of a perfect date.


So why can finding that special person sometimes feel so… tough?


The good news is: you are not at fault. The bad news is that your psychology might be working against you.
 

Too Much of a Good Thing?

When browsing online dating sites, you have literally thousands of profiles available at the click of your mouse. And it’s a good thing. All these single men or women, perhaps looking to date someone just like you. Surely, with all these options to choose from, you’ll find a great individual with whom you have tons in common.


So you start looking.


And looking some more.


Of course, you find a few profiles that seem interesting. Maybe more than a few. Some of these are pretty good, so you keep them at the back of your mind for later. Others seem even more interesting. Better bookmark them so they’re easy to come back to. Pretty soon you have perused dozens and dozens of profiles. Comparing them becomes quite an arduous task, to say the least. How do you even choose which ones you like best? How do you choose what characteristics are relevant to you? Not an easy decision.


And that’s the issue with choice. With too much of it, and needing to make a complex decision, there is a risk of paralysis. When that happens, your probability of acting on all the information you gathered goes way down.


 

Couple on the beach

Did you know ?

Vidamora.com is a 100% free dating site!
The whole site is 100% free.

Information Overload

When you meet people conventionally, you get glimpses into their personality. You get a snapshot impression of how you two interact, slowly building up an image of who they are. Most importantly, it takes some time before you feel like you know them.


You don’t have the same slow pace in online dating. All your romantic interest’s information is laid out on your screen. From the books they like to whether they prefer expensive or free dates. You learn so much about them before even interacting, it can feel a bit daunting.


But wait, there’s more. Human interactions and dating are complex activities. They require you to put some serious thought into them. After all, you know you should make the right decisions, and that’s why you were browsing all these profiles. However, this abundance of information, coupled with the paralysis you feel, might lead you to the wrong conclusions. This means you might choose your potential dates based on aspects of their profiles that are irrelevant to you, like the movies they watch, just because what’s truly important (views on relationships, aspirations, flexibility, compassion, etc.) is too complex to evaluate.
 

Gone Shopping

Finally, there is one more characteristic of your psychology that’s working against you:
When you have access to such a large number of potential partners, you could become too picky.

Even after browsing through dozens of profiles, you know you’ve barely scratched the surface of this bottomless dating pool. Maybe you should keep browsing, in case you find someone better than all the profiles you’ve seen. Yes, a few profiles met most of what you were looking for, but they didn’t tick all the boxes. With all these other singles you are yet to look at, some of them might.


A study led by Eli J. Finkel, Ph.D., for the Association for Psychological Science shows how people with access to a large pool of partners become more judgemental and intransigent when evaluating potential partners. This explains why you might reject almost-perfect candidates. Browsing takes very little effort, so you keep on shopping for the perfect person, in a sea of potentially great partners.


On top of that, the same study established that people in this situation often make lazy or ill-advised decisions. They explain this by the fact this surplus of choice makes online daters overly critical. This in turns affects their interactions, which become less spontaneous, less fluid. First dates are already tense and awkward enough. Let’s avoid adding tension to them!
 

So, What’s an Online Dating Site User to Do?

You might be forgiven for thinking this plenteousness of choice is a curse. However, used correctly, it can actually be great. If you had too few choices, you’d run the risk that none would be satisfactory. So, keep in mind you have access to all these attractive single people. Just don’t let it overwhelm you.


A good way to do just that is to limit your choices so you don’t get paralyzed by them. You could, for example, decide to make a short-list of 5 to 10 people you like, and try interacting with them before looking for greener pastures. Or you could decide to message users you like right away, when their profile is still fresh in your mind. Simply choose a strategy you are comfortable with and try it out.


The key is to find a middle ground, where you have enough options making you happy, just not too many. Keep an open mind until you really get to know the person you are talking with. And remember: less can be more.

Couple on the beach

Did you know ?

Vidamora.com is a 100% free dating site!
The whole site is 100% free.

Did you like this article? You can share it for your friends to enjoy

Articles you might like

10 Signs Your Ex Is Trying to Make You Jealous and How You Can React

January 20, 2022

10 Signs Your Ex Is Trying to Make You Jealous and How You Can React

Ah, relationships! Like them or not, they often make us go through all sorts of emotions. Sometimes we are not even in control of them. Where you used to be a completely rational and even-keeled individual, you now become a bit of a mess. So to speak. Emotions can sometimes prevail over your more logical and composed...Lire la suite

When and How to Introduce Your New Partner to Your Kids

May 21, 2020

When and How to Introduce Your New Partner to Your Kids

Dating as a single parent comes with share of challenges. From a general lack of time to feelings of guilt about dating again, it can be a tad overwhelming. But if things are going well, one question will inevitably pop up: how do you introduce your new partner to your kids?   If you found someone great, you might b...Lire la suite

How to Ask Her Out on A Dating Site and Get a YES

November 29, 2019

How to Ask Her Out on A Dating Site and Get a YES

Asking someone out can be stressful. The fear of rejection is always at the back of your mind and having unreciprocated feelings can sting. In online dating, from the relative safety afforded by your computer screen, you’d think it would be different. Easier.   It isn’t.   When the time comes to as...Lire la suite

How to overcome your fear of abandonment when dating someone

April 19, 2023

How to overcome your fear of abandonment when dating someone

Abandonment issues are really one of those things that can derail even the most promising relationships. They usually show up early on, and almost always have a harmful impact on your dating life.   If you have ever felt insecure in a relationship, afraid that someone was going to leave you, or like you might not be...Lire la suite

Most recent articles

How to overcome your fear of abandonment when dating someone

April 19, 2023

How to overcome your fear of abandonment when dating someone

Abandonment issues are really one of those things that can derail even the most promising relationships. They usually show up early on, and almost always have a harmful impact on your dating life.   If you have ever felt insecure in a relationship, afraid that someone was going to leave you, or like you might not be...Lire la suite

Has he really changed? Is he just pretending? 10 signs he has changed for the better

September 13, 2022

Has he really changed? Is he just pretending? 10 signs he has changed for the better

Relationships do not always have to be linear: first date, second date, dating, moving in together… Sometimes life has other plans for you. You might be too busy for a relationship. Or your boyfriend moved to another city and you find long-distance relationships too hard. Short breaks from romantic relationships ...Lire la suite

How to Make a Girl Feel Special – 10 Ways To Make a Girl Feel Loved

September 12, 2022

How to Make a Girl Feel Special – 10 Ways To Make a Girl Feel Loved

So, you’ve got a great girl in your life? Congratulations! Being in love can be one of the best feelings in the world. If you are like most guys, you probably want to do all you can to make this girl feel loved and special. To show her how much she means to you, each and every day. Which quickly brings an importan...Lire la suite

Should You Break Up with Your partner? When it is time to call it quits

May 31, 2022

Should You Break Up with Your partner? When it is time to call it quits

Look at any relationship between two people, and you would be hard pressed to find one that has not had any rougher patches. Even couples who look perfect on the surface have most likely had struggles, experienced ups and downs. That is simply how life is between humans. And that is why you don’t think about br...Lire la suite

Clingy Boyfriend Warning: 6 Signs Your Guy Is a Little too Extra

May 18, 2022

Clingy Boyfriend Warning: 6 Signs Your Guy Is a Little too Extra

Relationships and romantic feelings often bring out some pretty intense behaviors. Off the top of your head, you might already be associating budding romances with wanting to text your boyfriend as soon as you wake up, thinking about him all the time at work or at school, and jumping at every opportunity to hang out wit...Lire la suite

What to do when your girlfriend wants a break, 13 things you should know!

March 16, 2022

What to do when your girlfriend wants a break, 13 things you should know!

You may not really be happy to discover that your girlfriend needs a break. No guy is ever ready for that, really. So, if that is happening to you, just know that the unpleasant feelings you are experiencing are normal. First of all, you should know that this is a common situation – albeit not a fun one –...Lire la suite

Why men come back months later, 8 reasons to help you understand men

February 23, 2022

Why men come back months later, 8 reasons to help you understand men

When your ex comes back into your life long after your separation, you might feel a few ways about it: You might be intrigued, especially if you had little to no way to know what they have been up to. Curiosity is human. You could get mad. How dare he feel so entitled to your time and attention that he thinks he can ju...Lire la suite

Is my ex my soulmate? 10 signs showing this might be possible.

February 16, 2022

Is my ex my soulmate? 10 signs showing this might be possible.

One of the hardest things about breaking up with someone is the relationships you leave behind in the process. Because yes, you lose more than one: There is the relationship you had with your ex, of course, Then there are also all the mutual friends and their side of the family, with whom you often lose touch, An...Lire la suite

My Girlfriend Won’t Talk to Me. 5 Solutions to Recover from This

February 2, 2022

My Girlfriend Won’t Talk to Me. 5 Solutions to Recover from This

Is there anything more frustrating than being ignored by your girlfriend and not knowing how to talk to her, or even why she is not talking to you? If there is, it must be something really, really frustrating indeed. Yet, it happens all the time. Even in relationships that seem to be going well. Just because your ...Lire la suite

10 Signs Your Ex Is Trying to Make You Jealous and How You Can React

January 20, 2022

10 Signs Your Ex Is Trying to Make You Jealous and How You Can React

Ah, relationships! Like them or not, they often make us go through all sorts of emotions. Sometimes we are not even in control of them. Where you used to be a completely rational and even-keeled individual, you now become a bit of a mess. So to speak. Emotions can sometimes prevail over your more logical and composed...Lire la suite

Free dating website registration logo

Is it your first time?

Sign up! It's 100% free!
Do you already have an account? Log In
Email Address
Username
Password
Confirm your password
Terms & Conditions
White Vidamora's logo

© 2024 |

Terms & Conditions