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The early stages of dating involve a lot of back and forth. You will make plans, cancel them sometimes, reschedule your dates, and work around each other’s schedules to be able to meet.
That is a simple process on the surface, but anyone who has done any dating knows it takes careful planning and organization to do it right.
And a big part of this is waiting.
You wait for your date to let you know when he or she is available. Hopeful, you wait for a phone call or a text message. You wait to hear back about your next date.
Waiting sucks.
It is not fun spending your days mired in uncertainty about whether or not you will get to see your date this weekend, or if you should start making other plans.
Of course, one of the best ways to reduce that uncertainty is to action. To take the bull by the horns and confirm your date in advance. Not wait until he or she decides to contact you.
In a way, this is great, because it gives you back some control over the dating process.
But it is stressful too. You want to get it right. There is a delicate balance you need to find when trying to confirm a date without sounding desperate, without appearing too assertive, too pushy, or too needy.
Nevertheless, you may find it better, more enjoyable to take the initiative and learn how to confirm a date so you don’t have to waste your time doing guesswork anymore.
Here is a guide to do just that, broken down into 8 easy steps.
No matter how many times you have gone through the process, it is stressful. Even if you have been on dates with that person before, there will always be a certain fear of rejection in the back of your mind. After all, this is still the beginning of a potential relationship.
So, know that those butterflies in your stomach are normal.
What you should not do, however, is let that stress dictate how you act from now on.
If you are too nervous when trying to confirm your date, you risk looking needy and lacking confidence. That’s not really attractive.
To help you counter that, keep in mind two things:
Besides, the other person might really be hoping that you will contact them to confirm the date because they are unsure whether you like them.
If you both wait for the other party to make the first move, you might end up thinking that neither person really wants to meet, while in fact it is the opposite.
Calling or texting to confirm a date removes all doubt, and that is a blessing sometimes.
There is no need to go into high gear and start texting non-stop with the other person.
And never confirm the date more than once.
If you send regular messages once or twice a day already, it is pretty clear that the date is still on. Confirming again and again will make you look a little desperate and insecure, which is not a good look.
That being said, even if you are not talking about your future date, avoid sending too many messages. Not only is this time-consuming – and a big investment for someone who you may not even be officially dating – it is the quickest way to kill all mystery and excitement for the future date.
After all, if you already told your life story through text, why is it necessary to meet in person?
Knowing whether there will be a date or not should not come as a surprise.
If you ask a girl on a second date, and she agrees to it, make sure to keep in touch with her before going on that second date. The same goes if you chat with a guy online and agree to meet up for the first time.
The day you agree to go on a date should be a starting point for your interactions, not the end.
If you manage to do things right, your texting – and occasional flirting – will keep the other person interested. You will be able to tell whether they are excited to keep things going with you.
As a result, a few days before your actual date, you should have a pretty good idea that they want to see you. That they will be happy to say “yes” when you confirm your second date (or first date).
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Now that you feel pretty confident you both want to go on that date, it is time to lock things in so that there is no confusion.
Why is this important?
If you never send a confirmation, there will always be room for misunderstandings and misinterpretation. Just because you chat or text back and forth with someone does not mean they know your intentions. Nor can you assume the date is still 100% happening.
A quick email or text message should clear everything up.
Be sure to send it a little bit in advance. If you never really confirm that you want to go on a date, the other person might make plans on their end. This is what happens when things are left unclear, and this is exactly what you want to avoid.
But don’t send your message too early either, because, to be short, life happens. If you confirm a date a week in advance, for example, you will almost certainly need to re-confirm a few days before. Just in case things have changed.
Skip the first confirmation, and only do it once. A good timing to confirm your date stay safe is between one and three days before the actual date. That also leaves you enough time to make other plans if the date falls through.
A common mistake to avoid when confirming a date is to project your insecurities through your texts.
Here is what that looks like:
You get the idea.
Basically, these little defeatist phrases to open your texts make you look insecure. Like you somehow don’t believe you are worthy of the other person’s time.
Look, you have the right to believe your date is out of your league. It might even be true. Just don’t let it show.
So, what should you say instead?
Always work from a positive perspective. Act as if the date is a sure thing, and that you are just checking in to confirm it. You will find some examples at the end of this article, but here is a general idea of what that looks like:
These short and sweet messages convey both enough information to confirm your plans, the fact that you are excited to spend time with them – and that it matters enough for you to remind them of the plan.
It also encourages the other person to confirm that the date is happening – or to let you know in case it isn’t. Especially helpful with non-commital people!
Even if you get what you wanted – a positive response – you should not stop all interactions all of a sudden. That would make you look very transactional, like you are only interested in getting the date and not connecting with the other person.
In other words, consider the date confirmation as a starting point, not the end goal.
This means that you should keep texting (reasonably, of course) with the other person.
Not only does it show that you are curious about who they are, it also gives you the perfect opportunity to build rapport with them, to stay present in their thoughts, and to do some light flirting.
These text conversations should remain casual while generating just enough interest for both of you to feel enthusiastic about your upcoming date.
The anticipation it creates will help your date get off to a good start once you finally meet in person.
This should be a given, but any relationship that starts with a lack of respect is not going to make you happy.
In the context of texting to confirm a date, this means that if someone if flakey, noncommittal, or leaving you hanging, you don’t need to keep trying again and again to get a date with them.
Only send a message to confirm a date once, maybe twice.
If you still get vague answers (or no answer at all), just accept that the date probably won’t happen. Then, start making other plans. No matter how much you wish the other person will get back to you last minute.
Were you to agree to meet someone like that, you would be setting a precedent letting them know that you accept to be treated this way.
So, if you clearly feel a lack of respect or mutual interest, you need to be brave enough to stand up for yourself.
Likewise, you probably have had conversations where you needed to do all the heavy lifting, only to get short, abrupt answers. The same principle applies, and you can safely assume that the date won’t be happening.
Feel free to send them a quick text to let them know about your decision. That would be the polite thing to do. But don’t hold your breath for a reply either.
To leave you with some inspiration before closing this article, here are a few examples of what to say to confirm a date through text.
Use these as inspiration.
Of course, you will need to tailor your messages and adapt them to your specific situation. But this is a good start.
The few minutes to hours after you send this message will probably be the most stressful.
Sometimes you won’t even get a reply, or you might not receive the answer you were hoping for. That happens. Do not let that discourage you from dating again – even trying to arrange another date with the same person if their excuse seems solid enough.
But then, when you do get a positive answer – or when the other person seems just as excited as you are for the date – that might just be one of the best feelings ever.
And it will be all because you had the courage to send that one text.
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